Bellagio Bad Beats, Profitable Pai Gow, Meeting Grubette, and the Avril LaVigne's Cocktail

Despite the ridiculous heat wave, I did my best to stay cool and stay indoors. You know it's hot when Las Vegas locals are commenting (er, bitching) on the heat. It's frightening to still see tourists walking around outside during mid day. We've survived ten straight days of 110+ degree tempatures. At some point, it's been so blistering hot that you gotta think the pot-bellied inbred kids at the Redneck Riviera are eventaully going to boil to death in the E. coli infested pool.

My Thursday started off with an early morning writing session, followed by a quick trip to Wendy's next door. I'm addicted to the chicken strips and Wendy's special spicy Southwest chipolte sauce. I've been asking for two, so I can dip my fries in there. Flipchip and I headed over to the Bellagio to cover the last bit of the Challenge Cup. That was done in 30 minutes and I farted around for another 30 talking to runner-up Quinn Do. I chatted with Steve Hall for a bit before I sat down at a $8/%16 table. I've never played that limit at the Bellagio before and was intrigued to see what type of players I'd find.

My $8/16 table:
Seat 1: Foxwoods player
Seat 2: Hockey player's girlfriend
Seat 3: Angry Dragon Lady
Seat 4: Your Hero
Seat 5: Drunk Guy 1
Seat 6: Hockey player from Colorado
Seat 7: Drunk Guy 2
Seat 8: Grandma
Seat 9: Tourist 1
Seat 10: Tourist 2

I was seated to a middle-aged Asian women with a jade Buddha around her neck. She was in a pissy mood before I even sat down. She would rapidly toss her cards back at the dealer and slam her chips down in frustration when she had to muck. She also had a furball caught in her throat because she kept gagging. By the constant heavy noise, I thought she was going to cough up a loogey the size of a kitten and have it splash all over my chips.

The two drunk guys were friends and they flew in from Minnesota. They were knocking back "Redheaded Sluts" and by the end of the session, one guy was obliterated, he couldn't even stack up his chips. I asked them if they knew Professional Poker Player Chris Halverson. They glared back at me with an angry stare, like if I was caught gash lashing their girlfriend.

The Grandma in seat 8 was from the South and she'd see anything to the river. She called me down several times after flopping bottom pair and beating me when she paired up her other card. I have to give her some credit because everytme one of the drunk guys bet, she'd raise them. She was bullying them around.

The hockey player was stiffer than dry wall. He wasn't worthy mentioning aside from the fact he had a hot girlfriend who sat at my end of the table. She had gi-normous breasts and I was tempted to try to toss a blue $1 Bellagio chip into her cleavage. She tipped the dealer very well and said that she too worked for tips. I'm guessing that her specialty was lap dances.

The guy from Foxwoods was a Boston resident with a "wick-id" accent. He'd leave the table for twenty minutes at a time and return with a $1000 chip. He must have won at least four or five grand playing blackjack during his session at my table. He also bled away almost $2K while I sat there and he even mentioned that his blackjack wins were not even close to covering his poker losses. When you play A-3o in a four way capped pot preflop, those things are gonna happen.

So you wanna hear about a couple of bad beats? How about flopping a set with the Hilton Sisters and losing to a runner-runner flush? Ah, or both times my pocket aces were cracked by river flushes! I'm shocked that I walked away only down $2 after losing a ton of chips in those three pots. I won two monster pots when I got lucky on the river myself. I caught full house twice after betting into a flopped flush to the hockey player and another flush that hit on the turn by Grandma. I caught a runner-runner boat too with the Hiltons and that's what made the difference.

After five plus hours at the table, I was content with how I played in the $8/$16 game. It was really fishy and the two drunk guys gave it an interesting dynamic. I was pumped to walk away only down $2. If you count all the dealer tokes, I was up a few dollars. After playing for three straight days at the Bellagio, I must say I kinda dug it, especially getting to see everyone's favorite Bellagio dealer, Linda every time.

Before I went back to the Redneck Riviera, I stopped off at Wild Wild West to eat their $9.99 dinner special. Grubby, the Gourmand of Poker Bloggers, suggested I try it out. You get a drink, soup or salad, an entree, and chocolate cake or apple pie for $9.99. It's a great deal. I chose the Chicken Parmesan with the salad. I was full, so I ordered the cake to go. The service was horrible, but that's par for the course at WWW. I went home to write and realized that a rerun of The OC was on. I never watch TV and I dunno why I turned it on.

Grubby called to tell me that his sister, the lovely Grubette, was in town for the weekend with her LA posse. I quickly finished up some of my work and headed over to the MGM. I arrived early and wandered over to the poker room looking to sit at the juicy $6/$12 tables. I sat in that game with Otis a few weeks ago. I had been itching to play there but was bummed out when they said the highest limi they spread that instance was $4/$8 or $2/5 NL. I told them to start an interest list and signed up for $4/8, $2/5 NL and $1/2 NL.

There was an open spot for $1/2 NL and I grabbed it. I played with a few locals (including two dealers from other casinos). I won one big pot early and then I bluffed off some of my chips on a steal with 5c-6c against one of the locals whom I've played with before at both the MGM and Excalibur. I hit nothing at all on the flop, but had position in a five way pot. I bet the pot on the flop and got one caller. By the turn I caught a flush draw and and open ended straight draw. He check raised me and I had to call. He moved all in "in the dark" and I missed both draws so I folded. It was only a $50 hit to my stack. Grubby came by right after that hand and said his sister, Grubette, was playing Pai Gow with her friends.

Grubette is a funny writer. Here's her most recent post on Grubby's blog:

The other caller hesitated, took off his glasses and stared at me. I stared back at him, saying, "I have a flush."

He said, "I know you do but how big?"

3s stood up out of his chair and started berating the dealer for allowing us to talk about our hand. I turned to 3s and said, "I have a flush" you asshole.

Flush guy folded and I said to 3s, "I had it on the turn" you asshole and turned up my nut flush.

3s threw his clubless hole cards up (one was an Ace) and started ranting, "You'll let me call the $8 but not him??!"

I repeated, "I had it on the turn" shit-for-brains calling with a pair of Aces and no clubs with four clubs on the board.

I nearly threw his $8 back at him. But decided to take more of his money. Except he got up, for the 10th time and went to the bathroom. He kept missing his blinds and annoying the crap out of the players and dealers, so I asked for a table change. I've discovered that it's good to table change when you're winning because eventually the table does get cold. I don't mind playing with dicks like that though.. the more hot they are, the more poorly they play.

I cashed out and headed over to the tables. We resisted the temptation to throw some dice and made a beeline for the Pai Gow area. I finally met Grubette! Al Cant Hang had so many nice things to say about her and he was right. I eventually sat down next to her at a $25 Pai Gow table. The first dealer's name was Amy and she cold decked everyone. She even caught quads, but had to split them and still won anyway. When she was pushed by a dealer from Hong Kong named Tiffany, the table went on a rush. I won enough money to cover the day's poker losses and pay for cab fare. I caught some great hands including a few straights and flushes. Everyone at the table was friends with Grubette, so it was a fun table for sure. As soon as Amy returned from her break, I cashed out.

I knocked back a SoCo while I chatted with Grubette. She's a regular reader of my poker blog and I teased her that she needs to do more guests posts on her brother's blog. She was trying to get me to play in the 11am NL tournament at the MGM, but I'd have to get up by 9:30am to register. That ain't happening.

Alas, it was cool to meet the infamous Grubette. And for the record, I didn't hit on her. After all, Grubby was standing next to me the entire time! But Grubette is fuckin' awesome. She downed several Coors Lights, chain smoked, and gambled the entire time we hung out. Plus she busted on Grubby for drinking Strawberry Daiquiris and "Avril LaVinge" type drinks with whipped cream. I'm still trying to figure what that meant, but it's still funny.

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You should be reading... Chris Halverson and Dan's Pokerati.

P.S. Feel better soon Felicia!